Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
