good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
