definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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