mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
