Nicole vs. Life
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
