So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
