why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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