Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
