I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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