Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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