Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
