I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
