I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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