waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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