The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
