Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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