when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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