Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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