I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
