Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
