WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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