I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
