onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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