Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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