if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize