Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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