The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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