dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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