oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize