the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
