he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
