If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
