you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
