I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
