Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
