Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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