she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
