am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize