he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
