why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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