Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
