I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
