shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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