If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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