Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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