i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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