i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
