Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Blow job season was short but glorious.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
