He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
