everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Man, jail baloney is awful.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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