Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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