I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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