do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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