Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
