Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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