Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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