You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
