I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
