If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
