So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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