My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
