I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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