i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
