Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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