If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
