I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
