Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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