and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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