kristin has been a bad kristin
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize