I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
